Hi everyone..Im so useless..

Its time to wake up and get over things ..its time to pack up and leave for good..I hated myself for still having hope..towards something I should have dumped million years ago..

Ok TMY...its time to pick urself up and start some serious thinking about ur future..sigh..its disheartening its sad..but its time to wake up for a brighter day ahead..

Again..keep tellin myself life is beautiful...

What a day, man!

I swam 300m (aka 12laps) within 15mins i tink..not too sure about the timing..just know that it was damn tiring ...

Sigh..i have no choice but to continue this ordeal in order to get my Bronze Medallion and start saving some lives...wahahahha..what a dream...a pathetic dream...

Ok..so whats up with life thats causing me to type this blog in the middle of the nite when i should be sleeping??

I had enough of mental torture...i hate the fact that im thinking about someone i shouldnt..someone who has apparently / subconciously or conciously distant himself from me..for some reason/excuse that i dont know of and perhaps dont wanna know..

I wish i can tell/slap myself that its over..its no longer fun and exciting..its OVER..please..tmy please...

I think its infatuation..its something that will fade away ..very soon...and I will soon realise that its all worth a laugh..;)

Let me bleed this through..and i will be fine again..

Again..I miss u daniel:)

As Im typing this...my tummy is making some weird sounds..grumbling its way out to my ears...gosh..I went to toilet twice this morning..I bet its the oysters I had last nite at Jogoya..yea JOGOYA the Japanese Buffet that charges ppl RM88++ per person..no offence..Im so so sick of it suddenly..Ive been there twice last year and this year...its enough for me...Ive been conned enough..

I slept nicely for like 2hrs plus after swimming..so glad that i managed to swim freestyle and breaststroke nicely today..but the sun looks so scary today..Im so afraid to darken my already-not-so-fair skin...awwww...

But Im so happy coz i realised ( or maybe I was dreaming :P) that i saw my swimming instructor's son peeked at me...oh my god!! That 21year old kiddo who looks like Takeshi Kaneshiro stared at me...oh my god...He's so so cute..I think he could be the only reason Im coming to swim every Sun morning.. :P

I went to The Apartment in KLCC last Friday..wow that place was amazingly cool with the apartment look ( obviously duh?)..we sat nicely on a couch and chatted for like 2hrs plus..drinking my Mimosa and heineken..weird rite? Me drinking beer..I hate beer but the money..is sometimes just another nagging issue:P

Opps..its raining heavily..i better take a break and continue this another time..

By the way..I should start reminding myself of my own stupidity...i dont seem to remember what tat fella has told me..just feel like giving myself a good slap and tell myself that im a loser for trusting him..If ppl can tell you that he can easily find another...why u bother staying and think you didnt care? Do i really dont care or am I just a poor lame ass that seems to be goddamn desperate? Pls..at least gimme an answer...if im a smart ass that can seem to draw a clear line that playing is playing...I will feel much better off..

I hate taking LRT...

Hi readers...

I just got to know frm surreal-cheryl ie my different-race sibling that a few of her friends are actually viewing my blog..i feel..proud for there are someone who's reading my dumass blog...Thanks..

And today..wat about today?Since i got serious readers here..I must start telling serious stuff about life then..

Hmm...oh yea...i went for a cool tattoo..well..lemme explain..a cool a TEMPORARY tattoo...ehem..yea yea..it sounded so low to have a temporary tattoo instead of a real one..well..I wish I can convince my mom and sis ...I cant stand their nagging each and everyday if i get the real one..so pls forgive me..

Anyway...today is a cool day..nothing much happened in ofis..everything seems smooth and fast going..work finished around 6pm ...and i started doing some month end stuff till 7.30pm while waiting for my ehem hubby(i dont know why ppl call them my hubby..he;s just my coll..but he;s really nice fella)..

This fella i called him along..a real close friend..helpful ..both as a friend and colleague..and cant believe he's my blog's first fan...he still reads it when everyone else has stopped doing so..thanks for ur patience , along;)

Today ...nothing bad happened till someone told me about something..well..it wasnt anything great..but its something very disappointing..i thought Im special..I thought Im the only one..but Im not..hahhhahha..Im both shocked and in disbelief...

So somehow I did pour in some real feelings..why the heck did I tink tat I can draw one damn good line between playing and real feelings? Im so dumb..Im a sentimental, emotional person..im so dumb to believe that im like those ppl on the road who can draw clear lines...sigh...tmy tmy..ur sucha disappointment..

Time to move on...and get my Lifeguard certificate..so that i can save ppl..and save myself from drowning in this..

Keep bleeding..keep keep bleeding ...love..

Its another boring day of my life..

Luckily i went for swimming today..or else my life will be damn boring the whole day..sigh..

Anyway..i got a super duper great news to share with all...MY SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED!!!! WOOHOO!!

Okok..calm down..i know it has nothing to do with me..but i just cant wait to dress up nicely for her wedding day and so on..hmmm...so cool!! Ok..i must start losing weight ( at the right places ie tummy) and gaining weight at the upper torso..yea..needed that booby enlargement effect badly too :P

I cant wait to get myself a great dress for that great big day..Perhaps I shud be glad that she's getting married earlier than me..at least im getting the needed info such as the preparation, dinner photo shoot and so on..

My sister jokingly asked me to join her wedding..in sense of getting married together...EWWWWWWWWWW!!! That would be the last thing i wanna do..U know why?

Ok..firstly..our taste and expectations of our big day is sort of different..She wants a normal typical wedding ( as i see it)..that is wedding photos with lots of special graphic effects..whereas mine i want some simple but elegant photos with no weird wordings..those bridal shops always give grammatically wrong poems..eww...

Secondly..she wants a wedding dinner in chinese restaurant..well...not that she wants..but budget-wise..that's the best choice she has..i dont blame her on that..

Lemme tell you about MY DREAM WEDDING..aha here it goes..:P

My dream wedding..will be a garden wedding..with lots white roses surrounding the place..and lots cute flower girls and boys running around the garden..Guests happily chattering away..with champagne glasses in hands..and a band playing some cool country songs..everything seems so relaxing..and even the weather is just nice..not too hot...perhaps just right after a slight shower of rain..

And finally the bride will be wearing the simple yet elegant wedding dress ..with minimal makeup just nice to look perfectly natural..bunning up her hair..with some wildflowers in her hair..

The bridegroom will walk the red carpet towards the bride while the pianist playing the piano..and the bride will be looking at him at the altar with a great smile like she's seeing the one she wanna be with forever...

And the wedding dinner...

It would be held at some convention centre..singers like Kris Dayanti, Rynn Lim ,Justin Lo, Reshmonu, Siti Nurhaliza and Jac will be entertaining the guests with their great numbers..and the background music will be playing all my fave love songs..while my pretty wedding photos will be displayed on the big monitor...

My honeymoon will be in Japan..where i can eat my fave sashimi till i drop..i wanna go to those remote villages where the best scenery lies there waiting for me to explore..

My new house will be the most simple and futuristic home you've ever been in..it will look so empty yet its so relaxing to stay in..I will minimize the amount of furniture and stuff inside my home..make it as simple as possible..the theme color will be white and silver..the futuristic colors...I will have an open-concept kitchen..where i can watch tv and talk to ppl when im cooking..

My balcony will be empty with no plants..coz i hate taking care of them..I will put a chair for me to read a book at the balcony and also there will be the place i will be doing yoga whenever i want to..

The lightings in my hse will be definitely dimsy..no bright spotlights please..i hate spotlights..they hurt my eyes..

My couch will be either brown or deep beige in color..not white or black..there will be a big flat screen tv and cool sound system so that i can listen to my fave music while drinking red wine or reading a book..hmmm..

That's my perfect life during and after tying the knot...

Im done with my dreaming..how about you? :D

Dont know why I didnt come...

Was listening to that song by Norah Jones..about to sleep but decided to slab on some mask on my pretty face before retiring to bed and of course..blog something about myself before going off..

Its weird...I cant really recall the details of the incident but I know I wont forget the person...I know its something I wish I can go thru again but my heart is telling me not to..after all its not worth happening for the second time...

Dont give in,TMY..

Zahir means something or someone which, once we have come into contact with, gradually occupies our every thought. It can be considered either a state of holiness or of madness.”

Its another day at work again..

Here i am..blogging after work and complaining how sleepy i am the next day...haha..

Anyway..i still cant sleep well..too many things on my mind..the happenings on the 30th of March and 31st of March seemed nothing great..but they kept occupying my mind when i least expect them to..I cant seem to recall nor forget what happened on those days...Im in the state of madness and sanity..

Nevertheless..I can tell myself that it is something that i wanted it to happen..something that i asked for to happen..something that i wont regret it happened at this period of time..I know it seems stupid to anyone who know about it..it seems like a selfish act of myself and this person..but Im stil glad it happened..It is a thought that wont come by easily and not easily to be carried out..

Now Im back on my two feet..tired feet to be exact after my yoga class...

There will be many ppl walking past you everyday of your life...in the end it's the person who stops by when ur down and hold you when ur falling who's worth your love..The rest are just wind and leaves that paints your life and make it slightly more colorful..

Thanks to the wind..for bringing me back..