The Neverland

2010-02-26T10:37:00.000-08:00

What a day..

Gosh I just realised that I havent been blogging for a freaking long time and now I'm lost of words..I cant think of what to type here. Even my english feels wrong here...urghh..I need to brush up my grammar and vocabs definitely..

Ok whats up with tonite..I went to this place/club called The Market Place at Jalan Yap Kwan Seng..there was this event called Fashionista but that's definitely not the main reason I was there..I was there to meet someone from long long time ago..forbidden to see for sucha long time..and yeap..he's the bee guy..

Well apparently he has this company with his bro and sis in law..called gizmo and they are sourcing out deejays to clubs and this is their first project,I think..I thought I can just go there to show some sort of support and of coz, to see how he has been ;)

When I first stepped in there,my heart was racing when I saw the glimpse of him..and they asked us to fill up a form for some free membership for dunnowhat club. My hand was literally shaking when I was trying to fill in the form! I felt so embarrassed but thank god no one saw me trembling away..phew..

He came to see Geraldine and I..said hi and asked the normal hi bye thingie..I felt bad coz I cant really looked at him and say anything. My friend did most of the talking and I'm so thankful she was there. Most of the time she was doing the talking while I'm still the shy gal..whats wrong with me? Is it them that I'm shy/afraid of or its my problem with people? I think its them la..hehe :P

I know he was really being nice to us by stopping to check us out from time to time..I looked at him and I cant help thinking how things would be if we didnt break up..my only guess? It will be worse :)

Looking at him working so hard for this business and doing so much of marketing, I know that we are just worlds apart. I liked to eat expensive dinner and spend time going out shopping or just walking inside the mall to kill time..besides the fact that I'm a shy person and hardly talks..He's a tennis coach, a dealer in office, a filial son and now a businessman? I dont think he can handle a baby like me :D It is just a bad dream that wont come true..

I thank god that we didnt continue this relationship but a month seems too short isn't it? Felt bad for breaking mine and geraldine's record (her shortest relationship was 3months :P)

Forgive me for still feeling weird after seeing him, I cant help it. But I'm happy that I went to see him tonight, at least it marked a new beginning for me, to move on ;)

I need to start my plan to become a gym freak, yes gym freak. I feel so good doing so much of workout,dont ask me why. I just like to sweat and I feel good seeing my muscle building :D

People ask me again and again...ur so skinny, why do u still want to exercise? Well, first of all, I want to looked better rather being super skinny..another thing is I cant be waiting till I'm 40 or after I gave birth then only I start to think about keeping fit right?

My aim, Jessica Biel!! God I want to look like her! :D

Some ppl if not worth mentioning, you dont have to mention them anywhere. There are really some ppl who walked into your life, messed things up, and left you drained out of air. But when you managed to straighten things out and move on, thats when you know you have grown stronger ;)

Thanks geri for the good company tonight. thanks everyone who's reading this blog too, if any ;)

2009-09-27T07:35:00.000-07:00

Yep..It's been 4months ...so soon its October again..yet life is still the same kinda sheetiness, and still the same kinda craziness and poverty.

My life is still full of crap, short of money and lots of uncertainties..

Went for an interview..I guess I have the hope but I'm thinking twice..is working till 7 everyday my kinda dream job? Lots of claims of course,monies monies monies..Should I take the plunge?

I saw my ex family photos; he, his wife and the son..I felt so relieved and ...envious seeing their happy family..I cant believe someone who dumped me so long back then can be leading sucha good life right now..I felt so..useless. Everyone has moved on and what about me? Still nowhere in the middle..sigh

Life should be great, but why is mine full of crap? Am I thinking too much when I should just go with the flow?

Im 27 and I felt like crap.

2009-06-18T04:55:00.000-07:00

A month plus has passed...

I didnt reply sms.

I didnt answer calls.

I didnt update my Facebook.

I needed the time to get over things. I needed to stop being in touch, coz being in touch means dwelling in the past. Call me useless but I just cant do that, I wont be able to move on if I still be in touch.

Yet, I still think about him sometimes.

Although it doesnt mean anything anymore, or I dont mean anything to anyone anymore, it is just memories that you cant forget. It will still be there, never to be forgotten.

I guess I will meet/call/sms/email him when I'm ready.

I hope one day we can meet again and smile at each other. :)

Take care bee.

2009-02-06T00:12:00.000-08:00

It's easier to be..me..

Suddenly fell in love with this song from Lifehouse.."Easier to be" ...sometimes what someone said does affect you in a way..like how someone asked you to listen to songs from this band..I somehow see the reason why this group is worth recommending to friends and family :D Their songs are cool..

Of all days..my eyes are swollen ..damn it..Does it have to happen tonight when I'm supposed to go clubbing and show my assets(non existent ones).. now i have to depend on the magic of makeups..pls..perk me up!!

2009-02-04T01:50:00.000-08:00

Love stoned..finally stoned..

Hello everyone...again I'm back..im now sitting at home enjoying my CNY holidays..seems fun eh?

I just came back from Bangkok..again ...this round is the most damaging holidays ..i spent over 2k shopping there..inclusive of airtickets and accomodations..I tailor-made some good shirts for myself there..RM80bucks for one shirt..spent alot of bucks on shopping for dresses and clothes..everything is so cheap there! Its almost a shopping haven :) Imagine those cute wooden bangles cost only RM 10 for three...2 fashion neck chains cost only RM 12..U wont get it in Malaysia for that price definitely..

Ok enough about Bangkok..thats not my real intention of bloggin here today...

Im having abit of headache here..i think its dehydration..I didnt drink enough water last nite and today I tink ..and most probably its because i didnt sleep too well last nite and the nite before...

2009-01-11T05:57:00.000-08:00

What a long day I had today..went swimming at 7.30am...then went on a day trip to God knows where...supposed to go Old Klang Road ended up at Ampang Point eating Korean Bibim Bhab Stone Rice :D Then went to Selayang to do eyebrow threading..reached home 2.30pm..slept for 3 hours and woke up at 5.30pm..That's what you call an adventure I guess ;)

I fancy some new songs lately..this Secondhand Serenade Fall for you and Beyonce's If I Were A Boy ...

Today my friend almost cried (again) when she was talking about her ex bf...sighz...I felt sad for her when I put myself in her shoes..I'm imagining...what will happen when I lose someone that I trusted so much..not for anything but for some stupid infatuation...I don't know what I'll do...I bet I wont be as strong as her..

Sometimes I rather be single than to face all these relationship thingies..You'll never know what's lying ahead of you, you wont know whether your bf/gf is cheating behind your back etc etc..

When you get the romantic feelings you wanted..you complained that you needed more space..

When you have the assurance in a relationship , you're afraid you will reach the end of it..

Hmm..how can I be complaining when I'm one of the bad ones?

Fall For You

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting

Could it be that we have been this way before?

I know you don't think that I am trying

I know you're wearing thin down to the coreBut hold your breath

Because tonight will be the nightThat I will fall for you over againDon't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day

I swear it's trueBecause a girl like you is impossible to find

You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended

I always swore to you I'd never fall apart

You always thought that I was stronger

I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start

Ohh, but hold your breathBecause tonight will be the night

That I will fall for you over again

Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another dayI swear it's true

Because a girl like you is impossible to find

It's impossible

So breathe in so deep

Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep

And hold on to your words 'cause talk is cheap

And remember me tonight when you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night

That I will fall for you over againDon't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day

I swear it's true

Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the nightThat I will fall for you over again

Don't make me change my mindOr I won't live to see another dayI swear it's true

Because a girl like you is impossible to find

You're impossible to find

**Geri, can't wait for our Perhentian Island trip this March!!

2009-01-03T09:02:00.000-08:00

Can't actually remember when was the last blog..didn't intend to review back what was written in the old posts too..

Hello hey everyone..wassup?(sounds so lame saying this but its the best pickup line in blogs, for me at least:P)

Been there done that..its 2010 and ive done and went thru alot..not that much really ..but enough to make me fell, being rolled over and around and finally, get up on my feet again :D..

OK OK..i did went thru my old posts ..just to get back the feel of blogging..im feeling abit rusty over here,people..pls forgive me..

Ok..lets talk about..work..

Work sucks..really it does...its gettin worse and worse..at the moment I'm sort of learning new stuff which I'm supposed to take over around February but I'm still stuck with my current task alot..which makes it hard for me to work for both sides..just when i wanna concentrate on the new task..I'm pulled back by the current task ..and this fella whom I'm takin over her job talks like my mom or nanny.." MEIYEE!! MEIYEE this one is wrong!" aiyo kadavelei!(means oh my god..right?)

And this new boss, new environment is making my office more and more stressful each and everyday..procedures and procedures..making my work revolves around double checking stuffs...re-check and re-check..I just cant take it anymore! Urgh!!!!!!! I need a change!!

I'm so envious when I heard this friend of mine(Geri) is checking out uni's in US , Aussie UK...I wish i can go and change my life abit at least..not being stuck here for nothing..anyway all the best gal! I'll visit you when ur there!:)

I'm still thinking..wat can i do to change my life? I'm taking up latin dancing which is damn freaky hard..I definitely have 3left legs..my swimming has slowed down ..a lot..and I have stopped yoga for a month plus..oh no! I'm not an athlete anymore! (drama betul!) :P

Geri suggested me taking French culinary classes in Taylors..hmm..Im considering :)

And you ppl..I've curled my hair..yes C-U-R-L!

Its damn fcuking dry..and well..it looks good minus the dry part..and the over-blonde color..

I admit that I'm very very much affected by what ppl tell me/how ppl view me/their comments..There are basically two parties now - one hated my hair..the other luv my new hairdo..I myself have split personality sometimes..today it looks good tmr its shitty...my hair is just as unpredictable as me :(

Im now afraid to go swimming..my already damn spoilt hair..I dont know how they gonna fare in chlorine water tmr...Oh good lord pls save my hair: ( Tmr I'll make sure i will put the whole bottle of conditioner onto my hair before dipping into the pool..

I have given this curl jinx hair a try..if you (hair) fail me, i promise to cut YOU short and straighten you in 6 months time! Scary o not ?:P

Sigh..still another 6months to bear with this hair..god pls gimme the strength :(

Anyway..with this hair..apparently guys wont look my way..its a norm that guys like gals with straight and playable hair..

men : curly hair? no thanks !

I need to wake up..to embrace 2010..the new year...new life.

2008-08-10T05:53:00.000-07:00

The worst day ever...worst week ever..having to work from Monday to Sunday is horrid..enough said.

Ok..what to talk about today? My coll asked me to talk about that MC bitch again today..but i dun feel like it..sorry :P

Does anyone know I'm finally a LifeGuard? Haha..sounds unbelievable right?Yea even i myself cant believe it.. My cert and badge is coming soon...hmm..

But this cert and badge has certainly make me gave up my most precious asset...sigh..my fair skin..Ok la..i wasnt that fair after all..but now im definitely tanned..Yet I kinda like it:D

My back is perfectly tanned and lately I have the tendency to wear bareback like halterneck top and spaghetti strap..Dont blame me for being sexy ok?Its the global warming effect:P

My drinking habit has gone abit worse lately..Not that im drinking more often..But I tend to drink to de-stress..hmm..no good..

Anyway..I feel like getting a condo myself suddenly..I tink those ppl I know who bought a condo themselves really get me into thinking ...I envy their life ; having their own houses , can run around the house naked, listen to loud music...drink red wine in dim-litted room...watch tv in sexy lingerie..can ask frens to come up for stay over..can swim in the condo pool whenever i want to .. and even do some exercise in the gym..wow..sounds so great!! :D

Ok ..im getting abit carried away..So that's my dream which wont come true at the moment..sigh..that particular someone wanted a landed house..Why oh Why...sigh..Why do I have to be stuck in this...

I think im too affected by ppl around me who bought themselves a condo at KL Sentral and Jalan Duta..sigh..The more i talk about it the sadder I feel..

2008-08-06T08:03:00.000-07:00

Yo..what a day..

I came back early from work today and had a short nap after dinner just now. I guess I was too tired from yoga yesterday and swimming the day before. Wow! I feel that I sounded like an athlete
while I'm not :P

Okay. What to type about this time?Hmm..

I started losing hair again, or was it just psychology? I felt that my right side of the head is thinning now. Oh I don't know and I don't care! But I just applied some tonic to my scalp :P Well, let's just hope that works on me now.

I feel so lame, so lame that I'm trying to type something out when I cant seem to concentrate on anything.

I feel that I have something to say, but I don't know how to put into words..

Ok..let's just talk about some stupid woman in office..

This woman..the name is M sis..we call her M che or MC aka (Muk Chui) ..we basically labelled her as the stupidest person on earth after G CLK(apparently another person that we hated in office)..

Well..this woman...she talks like a bird...NO not the type that you thought can hum a nice song, but she can definitely talk some sheet out of nowhere in this planet of earth..Just imagine her chirpy voice saying bad words to you like **TNS...Niamah!! ** and so forth and so on..and the next minute she can smile at you and say hello..isnt that creepy?

I once stood behind her back..waiting for her to finish her call on the phone..She turned to her back and stared at me..and guess what? She told my boss I was disturbing her by standing at the back of her. Haha!! Cool... So, I was disturbing the flow of air by standing behind her that she cant breathe and chirp??

She'll make a scene out of nothing and pretends nothing happened the next day..sucha dumass..

And the latest scene she made was horribly dumb..She wanted a report to be generated from this system called OPIGS...to enlist all the deals/transactions done with offshore companies..in which we NEVER have done at all! Fine, since the auditor is requesting for such reports to proof that we have never had sucha deal before and ever (we are not suppose to have sucha deal with offshore companies..yea lame..), my IT fren is more than willing to help you to create sheetass report, trust me he does.

So there my fren goes, trying to help her out by creating such report. But since we do not have of these trades, the report will return as NIL results no matter how many million times we tried to run it , correct? So, how to prove that this report is running properly instead of simply returning empty results? Yes, by keying in some dummy deals to offshore companies, then we can see that " Oh, this report is running correctly!"

AND what this sheetass said to my fren? "YOU WANT ME TO SIMPLY KEY IN DEALS?? WHY CANT U JUST CREATE THE DUMB REPORT??!!"

Trust me..my friend tried to explain to her gently but her goddamn ears just cant seem to listen..God knows why she want to make herself look so dumb and stupid..oh God pls save this woman..and in the end she slammed the phone down when ppl cant get what kinda dumass sheet she's trying to tell..

All of us got asses..and she just got a lame and dumb one..

2008-07-08T07:11:00.000-07:00

So long...so so long since my last blog...

Ok now im back..and typing..hmm..

Oh yea..my co just had its annual dinner last friday...it was cool..but abit boring..due to tight budget, everything sucks..bad food...so so environment..super duper low and cheapo lucky draw prizes...can u imagine the grand prize was an IPOD shuffle??Hello??What's wrong with the BANK???

Fine..at least i dressed perfectly to suit the occasion..my dark maroon dress and 3.5inches hi heels stilletto managed to kill some guys there..so I happily pose and take photos..finally i look good in photos in minimal makeup..yahoo!! :P

And I took photo with this particular guy...wah i feel so cool taking photo with him..its like " urghh finally!"..dont know how to describe the feeling..not that he's that handsome..it just that i really want to have a photo of him with me..all the guys that i sort of have feelings/fling with never taken any photos with me..so this time its sort of like...victory :D hehe

And i really wanted to post the photo here..but im afraid that he might bump into this site(he got this site's address) so..too bad..you guys can just imagine a squared-faced guy taking photos with me..anyway pls be patient for my annual dinner photos..i will upload them asap..not many but all pretty and nice :P

The gal whom I used her camera to take this photo said she felt that we look very match made in heaven type..i was like :O hello??

Well..this guy is rich, not really that rich but at least he's earning a reasonable amount to buy me drinks every now and then...he got a good career and good future lying ahead of him..and he's a family person..seems to be a perfect guy? Tell you what...he's single and available..haha..weird??Unbelievable?? Hmm what can i say..miracles do exist..i guess..

Is money really that important? I have that nagging doubts every now and then..i hate to admit that its important and sooner or later i will suffer the consequences for not acknowledging this very fact...

People ask me to reconsider about my current relationship...they told me that if i can still choose and i stil have the chance..why not? eww...what the heck are they thinking??

Im happy with my current rship..when its not rocky and when he has time for me of coz..sometimes there's just something in a relationship that more than money or anything else can measure...its the feeling that tells you that you've found the right one...or am I feeling anything correctly? I don't know..

Come on..this guy and me?Hmm..pls TMY wake up!!

2008-05-31T09:12:00.000-07:00

**You don't miss your water till the well runs dry**

Was listening to that song till i realised that Ive not blogged for quite sometime..someone is asking (in dire) to read my blog..haha..kewl!!(means cool in sign language :P)

Ok..today is a boring day..extremely boring day..i went to some 2hrs short training in Menara Axis..its for my new business prospect..a business prospect that i hope can change my career path..especially my income figure...from a low, poverty-like income to OK level of income..hmm..i need that extra cash to support my shoppings..been shopping like mad lately..not really that mad la..but it just that..cant control myself when i see nice stuff like shoes..or clothings..

But come to think of it..I dont really shop for expensive stuff..like how i sounded when i said that ** i shopped like mad** remark..but ..I just bought a pair of shoes..yet another pair yes:P i just love buying shoes lately..ceh..not as if my shoes gonna be like RM100 per pair what..i wont buy shoes above 60bucks usually..even above 50bucks hardly happened to me :P

Ok ..enough about shoes..and clothings? I always and always shopped at FOS for their simple yet chic cheapo t-shirts..RM 20bucks for two piece thingie..its cheap and nice enough to wear to walk around midvalley and one u..might not be cool enuf for friday nite outings though;)

Anyway..great news! Im goin to singapore very very soon..to shop till I drop..thats y im curbing myself from shopping that much in KL..coz i know things are gonna be drop dead cheap over there..or thats what i heard from other ppl...i just cant wait to join the shopping hype there..hmm..definitely gonna be a different experience there...

I wonder..if friends are really that important to guys..that he must and only can relax with them..and they must show how macho they are in front of them..must show the macho-ness by smoking,casually..omg..i hate those kinda guys..yet im living with one now..

He rather spend time with his friends and tell me he needs to relax..and when its time to work..he'll say he needs to work..needs to finish work..and he cant spend time with me..kewl!

Like now..i havent hear from him whole day coz he said he gotta work..and now i just got a feeling he went out with his friends and he;s scared to answer my call :)

Im smiling :) yet im hurt inside..maybe im that useless..all the guys ive been with ( and almost be with) has sucking problems..this is an asshole and tat is a jerk..

Im done..time to sleep..tmr swimming..there are always something nice to fall back on..like a decent lunch invitation from calvin the apartment chef..but im just too lazy to go to KLCC at 5pm...have this 5pm curfew inside me...cant fight the feelings that Im gonna be stuck in jam if i leave after 5pm...even on weekends:P

Oh...time's up for my facial...gotta go get my beautiful sleep..nitenite..

2008-05-18T11:09:00.000-07:00

Hi Sze Yang,

I know this piece of mail will not reach you at any rate..but i still feel like sending it..coz i want you to know what's been happening to me lately..and perhaps..to tell you how much i miss you during your absence in this 6years..

I just re-read some of the old emails you sent me back then in 2000...reading them this time is weird..coz I dont feel sad as before..I still remember how bad i cried back then when i was reading your email..it just reminded me of how well u treated me back then..and how hurt you were when i left you for tat jerk..

Time flies..it has been like6years...since you left this world..I still recall myself being in disbelief when i called your house in 2004..just to find out you left in 2002..Your sisters too was in shock..they must be thinking which friend took so long to find out you left this world 2years later....so pathetic lameass of me :(

Im fine now, Sze Yang..im gotten over you...but somehow..i feel guilty for not being sad for u..for not crying for you anymore..am i bad?

Alot of things happened lately, my dear..

This 6 years has changed me into a totally different person...im no longer the lil innocent gal you once knew..Im getting more matured..though im still alil childish sometimes..cute as you always mentioned to me;)

Im currently in a 2-year-relationship that im not sure its heading anywhere..hahaha..i feel so bad for putting it this way..but sometimes i do think tat way,if not all the time..

And of course..in between they are lots of bumpy roads and obstacles..but yet we managed to overcome it and begin to go strong in a way..This guy is the kinda guy that i know is good enough to marry..but..his attitude stimes really gets on my nerve..sometimes i just wonder hw nice it would be if you're still around..hmm..dreams..i have plenty of them...but none will come true..

Getting sleepy here..maybe i'll type you something again..tmr?tata..

2008-05-06T07:49:00.000-07:00

Hey hey..what a long week last week..got lots to blog here but just dun have the time to sit in front of the pc and type...finally ..the day (or rather the night)has come;)

Ok where should i start? Yea!! HOW YI!!! Well Im not so sure on how to spell his name..he's my swimming teacher's son...oh my god he's goddamn handsome!! Almost like Takeshi Kaneshiro..unbelievablely beautiful eyes..We ( the avid swimmers) just felt that he can join the CLEO Most Eligible Bachelor and win any time!! Guess wat? Last Sunday he taught us how to tow victims in cases of emergency/drowning or the like..oh my god..I just cant believe that finally we have the chance to get to know him better and get closer to him "physically"...i wish i can be the victim he used when he was trying to demo to us..:P

Ok enough about How Yi..Lets talk about...Daniel..

I heard some news about him today..His best friend called me just to say hi...and we ended up talkin about him..she was furious about this fella being overly devoted to the gf... it seems that this guy is no longer working and he's now the full time chauffer to this gf...wow..

Its something totally out of my imagination..Daniel who's once so ambitious now willing to succumb to his gf and driving her around..I seriously salute their true love..

The saddest part is..he's losing some of his very best friends due to this..its disheartening to hear someone you used to like become a robot lover..haha what a term..

Im glad that he has found his true love..after all this gal managed to change the whole of him..but i hope he will realise that life doesnt only revolve around him and the gal..life has much more in store for him..Daniel is not born into this world to live a simple life..he's someone very ambitious I once knew..someone who's making money with his own hands without anyone's help..Please Daniel..wake up before its too late..

Or..maybe i shouldnt be bothered at all..what's wrong with being nice and devoted to the gf?

10years back, if Im still 16yrs old..I might love to have a bf like tat..send me here and there..no need to work..spend time with me all the time...but reality is hitting me now..money is a nagging issue..cant live with it cant live without it...

I remembered I once had sucha bf..who's overly devoted to me..someone i can make him say a ball is square just to make me happy..hahhaha..so lame of me..but those kinda guys already extinct..and the one once make me happy..has gone to heaven 6yrs ago..

I tink i should thank Almidgety Simmon...if its not becoz of him..I wouldnt message Daniel to tell him Im worried about this fella's craziness after going out with him..Daniel wont be mad at me for goin out with him ...and stop contacting me at all.and met this lovely gf of his..everything seems to happen for a reason..so cool..its called fate and destiny..

I wish you well, Daniel Lu..

2008-04-28T06:39:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone..Im so useless..

Its time to wake up and get over things ..its time to pack up and leave for good..I hated myself for still having hope..towards something I should have dumped million years ago..

Ok TMY...its time to pick urself up and start some serious thinking about ur future..sigh..its disheartening its sad..but its time to wake up for a brighter day ahead..

Again..keep tellin myself life is beautiful...

2008-04-27T07:44:00.000-07:00

What a day, man!

I swam 300m (aka 12laps) within 15mins i tink..not too sure about the timing..just know that it was damn tiring ...

Sigh..i have no choice but to continue this ordeal in order to get my Bronze Medallion and start saving some lives...wahahahha..what a dream...a pathetic dream...

Ok..so whats up with life thats causing me to type this blog in the middle of the nite when i should be sleeping??

I had enough of mental torture...i hate the fact that im thinking about someone i shouldnt..someone who has apparently / subconciously or conciously distant himself from me..for some reason/excuse that i dont know of and perhaps dont wanna know..

I wish i can tell/slap myself that its over..its no longer fun and exciting..its OVER..please..tmy please...

I think its infatuation..its something that will fade away ..very soon...and I will soon realise that its all worth a laugh..;)

Let me bleed this through..and i will be fine again..

Again..I miss u daniel:)

2008-04-13T00:19:00.000-07:00

As Im typing this...my tummy is making some weird sounds..grumbling its way out to my ears...gosh..I went to toilet twice this morning..I bet its the oysters I had last nite at Jogoya..yea JOGOYA the Japanese Buffet that charges ppl RM88++ per person..no offence..Im so so sick of it suddenly..Ive been there twice last year and this year...its enough for me...Ive been conned enough..

I slept nicely for like 2hrs plus after swimming..so glad that i managed to swim freestyle and breaststroke nicely today..but the sun looks so scary today..Im so afraid to darken my already-not-so-fair skin...awwww...

But Im so happy coz i realised ( or maybe I was dreaming :P) that i saw my swimming instructor's son peeked at me...oh my god!! That 21year old kiddo who looks like Takeshi Kaneshiro stared at me...oh my god...He's so so cute..I think he could be the only reason Im coming to swim every Sun morning.. :P

I went to The Apartment in KLCC last Friday..wow that place was amazingly cool with the apartment look ( obviously duh?)..we sat nicely on a couch and chatted for like 2hrs plus..drinking my Mimosa and heineken..weird rite? Me drinking beer..I hate beer but the money..is sometimes just another nagging issue:P

Opps..its raining heavily..i better take a break and continue this another time..

By the way..I should start reminding myself of my own stupidity...i dont seem to remember what tat fella has told me..just feel like giving myself a good slap and tell myself that im a loser for trusting him..If ppl can tell you that he can easily find another...why u bother staying and think you didnt care? Do i really dont care or am I just a poor lame ass that seems to be goddamn desperate? Pls..at least gimme an answer...if im a smart ass that can seem to draw a clear line that playing is playing...I will feel much better off..

I hate taking LRT...

2008-04-08T06:26:00.000-07:00

Hi readers...

I just got to know frm surreal-cheryl ie my different-race sibling that a few of her friends are actually viewing my blog..i feel..proud for there are someone who's reading my dumass blog...Thanks..

And today..wat about today?Since i got serious readers here..I must start telling serious stuff about life then..

Hmm...oh yea...i went for a cool tattoo..well..lemme explain..a cool a TEMPORARY tattoo...ehem..yea yea..it sounded so low to have a temporary tattoo instead of a real one..well..I wish I can convince my mom and sis ...I cant stand their nagging each and everyday if i get the real one..so pls forgive me..

Anyway...today is a cool day..nothing much happened in ofis..everything seems smooth and fast going..work finished around 6pm ...and i started doing some month end stuff till 7.30pm while waiting for my ehem hubby(i dont know why ppl call them my hubby..he;s just my coll..but he;s really nice fella)..

This fella i called him along..a real close friend..helpful ..both as a friend and colleague..and cant believe he's my blog's first fan...he still reads it when everyone else has stopped doing so..thanks for ur patience , along;)

Today ...nothing bad happened till someone told me about something..well..it wasnt anything great..but its something very disappointing..i thought Im special..I thought Im the only one..but Im not..hahhhahha..Im both shocked and in disbelief...

So somehow I did pour in some real feelings..why the heck did I tink tat I can draw one damn good line between playing and real feelings? Im so dumb..Im a sentimental, emotional person..im so dumb to believe that im like those ppl on the road who can draw clear lines...sigh...tmy tmy..ur sucha disappointment..

Time to move on...and get my Lifeguard certificate..so that i can save ppl..and save myself from drowning in this..

Keep bleeding..keep keep bleeding ...love..

2008-04-05T07:27:00.000-07:00

Its another boring day of my life..

Luckily i went for swimming today..or else my life will be damn boring the whole day..sigh..

Anyway..i got a super duper great news to share with all...MY SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED!!!! WOOHOO!!

Okok..calm down..i know it has nothing to do with me..but i just cant wait to dress up nicely for her wedding day and so on..hmmm...so cool!! Ok..i must start losing weight ( at the right places ie tummy) and gaining weight at the upper torso..yea..needed that booby enlargement effect badly too :P

I cant wait to get myself a great dress for that great big day..Perhaps I shud be glad that she's getting married earlier than me..at least im getting the needed info such as the preparation, dinner photo shoot and so on..

My sister jokingly asked me to join her wedding..in sense of getting married together...EWWWWWWWWWW!!! That would be the last thing i wanna do..U know why?

Ok..firstly..our taste and expectations of our big day is sort of different..She wants a normal typical wedding ( as i see it)..that is wedding photos with lots of special graphic effects..whereas mine i want some simple but elegant photos with no weird wordings..those bridal shops always give grammatically wrong poems..eww...

Secondly..she wants a wedding dinner in chinese restaurant..well...not that she wants..but budget-wise..that's the best choice she has..i dont blame her on that..

Lemme tell you about MY DREAM WEDDING..aha here it goes..:P

My dream wedding..will be a garden wedding..with lots white roses surrounding the place..and lots cute flower girls and boys running around the garden..Guests happily chattering away..with champagne glasses in hands..and a band playing some cool country songs..everything seems so relaxing..and even the weather is just nice..not too hot...perhaps just right after a slight shower of rain..

And finally the bride will be wearing the simple yet elegant wedding dress ..with minimal makeup just nice to look perfectly natural..bunning up her hair..with some wildflowers in her hair..

The bridegroom will walk the red carpet towards the bride while the pianist playing the piano..and the bride will be looking at him at the altar with a great smile like she's seeing the one she wanna be with forever...

And the wedding dinner...

It would be held at some convention centre..singers like Kris Dayanti, Rynn Lim ,Justin Lo, Reshmonu, Siti Nurhaliza and Jac will be entertaining the guests with their great numbers..and the background music will be playing all my fave love songs..while my pretty wedding photos will be displayed on the big monitor...

My honeymoon will be in Japan..where i can eat my fave sashimi till i drop..i wanna go to those remote villages where the best scenery lies there waiting for me to explore..

My new house will be the most simple and futuristic home you've ever been in..it will look so empty yet its so relaxing to stay in..I will minimize the amount of furniture and stuff inside my home..make it as simple as possible..the theme color will be white and silver..the futuristic colors...I will have an open-concept kitchen..where i can watch tv and talk to ppl when im cooking..

My balcony will be empty with no plants..coz i hate taking care of them..I will put a chair for me to read a book at the balcony and also there will be the place i will be doing yoga whenever i want to..

The lightings in my hse will be definitely dimsy..no bright spotlights please..i hate spotlights..they hurt my eyes..

My couch will be either brown or deep beige in color..not white or black..there will be a big flat screen tv and cool sound system so that i can listen to my fave music while drinking red wine or reading a book..hmmm..

That's my perfect life during and after tying the knot...

Im done with my dreaming..how about you? :D

2008-04-03T08:18:00.000-07:00

Dont know why I didnt come...

Was listening to that song by Norah Jones..about to sleep but decided to slab on some mask on my pretty face before retiring to bed and of course..blog something about myself before going off..

Its weird...I cant really recall the details of the incident but I know I wont forget the person...I know its something I wish I can go thru again but my heart is telling me not to..after all its not worth happening for the second time...

Dont give in,TMY..

2008-04-01T07:46:00.000-07:00

Zahir means something or someone which, once we have come into contact with, gradually occupies our every thought. It can be considered either a state of holiness or of madness.”

Its another day at work again..

Here i am..blogging after work and complaining how sleepy i am the next day...haha..

Anyway..i still cant sleep well..too many things on my mind..the happenings on the 30th of March and 31st of March seemed nothing great..but they kept occupying my mind when i least expect them to..I cant seem to recall nor forget what happened on those days...Im in the state of madness and sanity..

Nevertheless..I can tell myself that it is something that i wanted it to happen..something that i asked for to happen..something that i wont regret it happened at this period of time..I know it seems stupid to anyone who know about it..it seems like a selfish act of myself and this person..but Im stil glad it happened..It is a thought that wont come by easily and not easily to be carried out..

Now Im back on my two feet..tired feet to be exact after my yoga class...

There will be many ppl walking past you everyday of your life...in the end it's the person who stops by when ur down and hold you when ur falling who's worth your love..The rest are just wind and leaves that paints your life and make it slightly more colorful..

Thanks to the wind..for bringing me back..

2008-03-31T06:53:00.000-07:00

Wow..wat a marathon..I slept at almost 8am tis morning and woke up at 10am plus..and slept abit say 2hours of not-so-good sleep in the afternoon ...and i ate a bowl of pan mee for whole day till 9pm today..wow..what else can i say?hmm...

And to add salt to injury ( ehem ) ...im having fever right now..damn la damn..now i cant sleep and my head is warm..

I was watching the show To Grow With Love (Fei Tin Hei Si)..it is a story about an obese woman trying to find the person she loves..and she faces lots obstacles in life..and love life of cos just because of her weight..but she proves that true love prevails..and she found someone who knew what she thinks..literally someone who completes her..so sweet..i luv sweet show..although it hasnt make me cry like The Seventh Day show ;)

I got to know that a friend of mine was about to end his 5years rship..omg..im so so sad to hear that...I hate ppl breaking up...even if i dislike either party in the rship (which doesnt apply in this case)I still think that a rship should end happily by stepping forward into another stage of rship instead of ending up being merely friends...Well..there are always exceptions..like LRT and LDC...I guess separation does both of them good..no offence :P

Hey there Vic..dont give up too easily k? I noe i certainly dont have any extra right(not as if im the perfect and prude gf ehem )..but try lookin into ur rship in a diff light..perhaps u will find a way out..by taking a step further..like getting married? hmm...

Me too find difficulties in rship..stimes u have someone in rship that u luv..and someone that u noe u wont be together with..and someone u dont like yet u hang out with..just fancy them more than usual buddies u have:D

There are times that i tink i shud stay the way i am..enjoying the prime time of my life and times where i tink i shud take the step further..by tying the knot...but money..the realistic issue here...the root of all evil and all problem..

Im having slight fever now..cant believe it..
Good nite everyone..so long

2008-03-20T01:33:00.000-07:00

Its not the first time for me to post 2 entries in one day...I do it whenever i like it..tats all..

Ive been thinking alot..it has certainly causing my migraine to come back and haunt me...I hate the fact that my all my ailment is due to mental stress..eww..it is so sickening to know that you're sick because of yourself! SICK!!!!

Ok fine..wat can i do to de-stress myself? i feel like gettin a good swim..can i?where?when?

By the way..i was just done with my dumass balancing work that was dated back to January..can you imagine? I cant balance that stupid stuff due to my freaky eyes that cant seem to realise that some figures were wrongly input-ed by ppl..goddamn!But anyway..its balanced already and tat definitely worth celebrating!! Woohoo!!

Im so stuck..im stuck here blogging about nothing..with nothing much to do..sigh..im sucha loser..sigh..

Tata everyone..

2008-03-19T01:39:00.000-07:00

Wow wow...

Im on mc today...bad migraine today..yet im still walking around eating my fave tomyam noodle and shopping at FOS...haha..wat a freak i am...anyway i tink i needed a break...i got bad headaches for days..i tink its time to loosen up abit and relax..after all tomorrow is a holiday and friday is gonna be a long day at work...

Wow...today is already the day after..i slept much earlier yday due to some lethargic feeling i experienced this few days...i slept around 10pm..unbelievable huh? tell u something more unbelievable..i got this colleague who's already married and he told me he finished reading my blog yesterday...i was amazed...for the fact tat not many person still remember my blog address and of coz...having the enthusiasm to read my hard-to-understand-jargons-filled blog...its definitely hard to even imagine..thanks long chit yee..ur a believer!

OK...we cast that issue aside first..

So...oh yea..ive started my reading marathon again....yes again...im currently reading The Zahir (again!)..i took up the book to read sometime ago last year..and im still reading it up to this year..i have this stupid tendency to read books half way and leave them to rot in the bookshelf...Shopaholics Ties the Knot, Angels and Demons,Harry Potter just to name a few..So i decided to revive my reading enthusiasm by feasting on the Zahir again...and maybe hit on some other books later..

Yea...suddenly on last tuesday..i was reminded of daniel..im not sure if i used to name him danny/sentra or daniel in previous posts..it doesnt matter..it is still the same old daniel..I just realised that he's the only person who never ask for anything in return to his kindness and concern over me..He's the only guy who have very much of self control...the oni person who never ask to go out with me..at all..only emails and sms..even sms is at the very least ...

Perhaps..i should be glad..for that he has found someone so perfect..so made for him gal..who am i after all..someone who cant give him forever..someone who doesnt know the real meaning of love..sigh...Congrats Dan..for u have found the one who can change you..im happy for u..really..

So long..

2008-03-11T07:34:00.000-07:00

My fave tvb drama at the moment..the seventh day...

I know im a hopeless romantist and dreamer..i just luv sad and crying shows..even the death of some pets in the show will make me cry like no tomorrow...sigh..im sucha cry baby..but i luv crying..i'll hate myself if i cant cry...i will tink that im so stone-hearted to not being able to cry..hmm..sometimes i'll challenge myself to cry on the spot..simply to test out the acting skills in me..hahaha..but when i started i just cant stop..sometimes the tears just came spilling when i dont want them to..sigh...

Im so sleepy suddenly..anyway i had a good day today and yesterday...so glad that i spent some good time..sometimes u just dun need someone u luv to accompany u and have fun...friendship...a weird one i mean can do wonders sometimes ;)

Im sorry for what i mentioned to you last nite, LRT..i was tipsy..i seriously do not luv you..sorry...i dont know why i say that..i dont even like you..just merely fancy you..haha:P

take k everyone...

2008-03-01T07:40:00.000-08:00

Hey hey you you!!

Im doing facial while typing this out...haha..weird huh?Im always doing weird stuff..always have been a weird person..hmmm..

Ok..so whatsup with me recently?

My last blog...was on the 27th Feb..Today is the 2nd of March...oh yea..my attempt to get a Lizzie Claiborne bag has failed..sigh...not that i dont have the money..just that i cant find anything that i like...i need a versatile bag..that i can bring to work..and worse come to worst i can use it for some occasion out of work..hmm..and i have a budget of RM300..not bad huh?:)

I gotten myself a set of SK2 facial stuff..awwwww...im so so happy seeing what my Sk2 has done to my face...and also the Beta Hydroxy Acid from Paula's Choice Ive been using of course ;)...there is this someone who got damn fair and good looks commented on my skin..wow..tat explains why im doing mask now and buying SK2..i cant be being praised at this minute and get a pimple the other minute:P haha..so drama :P

Im so bored of this life suddenly..

He kept asking me how come we dont have anything to talk anymore..that really dishearten me...especially when i decided that we can work it out..its so dumb...at another minute..i feel that im hurting someone else..but never myself..

I feel sick to know that some ppl around me actually has hidden motives..agendas..they dont befriend me for no reason..they wanna get to know more of your bad stuff..and spread it to others..can you believe it? Oh my...yet i still cant see it..i still think he;s a nice guy..but im more careful now..no point telling him things that is not related to him..after all it could be dangerous...and disastrous;)

Im bored of life..thats why i resort to shopping? :D

I like shopping for nice clothes...just a way to reward my oh-so-boring life i guess..i like dressing up..but not too much...perhaps im not good at it...always think that simple is the best...i wish there are some designer who;s willin to sponsor me different clothes everyday....just to promote his/her designs...wow..that will be so cool!! oops..wat a dreamer..;)

By the way...my birthday is coming up..woohoo!!Cant wait for presents and surprises on that day..lets hope for good surprises then;)

Tata

2008-02-27T06:23:00.000-08:00

No sleeping at night
But i'm going from bar to bar
Why can't we just rewind
Why can't we just rewind
Why can't we just rewind oh

Its a lovely song..i heard it over CSI..i think those ppl who's working on looking for songs to play in different episodes in CSI and House are just amazing...they managed to find songs which are touching yet matched the scenario so perfectly...There's a webpage that compiles all the CSI theme songs' names.. http://csimiamiwiki.cbs.com/page/CSI+Music:+Season+5?t=anon

Sigh..im still feeling and looking tired..despite the fact that ive been going back early recently..still...i either sleep late going online..or cant seem to have a good sleep...sigh..whats wrong with me..

2008-02-25T06:12:00.000-08:00

Hello and Good Evening...below is the menu for tonight's dinner

3 sticks of clam FatMan Steamboat lok lok

2 sticks of Sea algae FatMan Steamboat lok lok

1 stick of Brown Cuttlefish FatMan Steamboat lok lok

2 bowls of SzeChuan Soup

1 bowl of rice

Ginger Wine Chicken and Vegetables

1 bowl of Penang Asam Laksa car-driven from Penang

1 glass of Lo Han Guo Herbal Drink

Wow wow..that was my dinner for the day..can you believe it? oh my god..
Anyway ..i met my best gal fren at pasar malam today while i was feasting down my delicious lok lok at FatMan Steamboat with their supreme hot chilli sauce..my lips were all red,i was panting and my nose was running..but its all worth it to lose abit of my elegance and manners to slurp lok lok by the road side ..its so so yummy..hmmmmmmmmmm

Ok ok ..enough of the food i slurp down today..done..dun wanna talk about any other stuff..phew!

Goodnite!!

2008-02-24T08:08:00.000-08:00

Another lovely song from Paolo Nutini ...Rewind..

Pickin up the pieces
Of the wreck you went and left
And i'm dealing with dilemmas
In my not-so-stressful life
And i'm drinking stronger spirits
I made my home here on the floor
And i'm losing all ambition
I'm a ghost

And i'm going all out
And i'm thinking you're just as bad

No sleeping at night
But i'm going from bar to bar
Why can't we just rewind
Why can't we just rewind
Why can't we just rewind

Oh remember at 16
Oh the crazy drunken night we had
When i kissed you in the hallway
Then i took you straight to bed

Well 2 years on
And i'm still that same boy i was

No sleeping at night
But i'm going from bar to bar
Why can't we just rewind
Why can't we just rewind
Why can't we just rewind oh

No sleeping at night
But i'm going from bar to bar
Why can't we just rewind
Why can't we just rewind
Why can't we just rewind oh

You might blame it on me
But you persisted that we fold
Wiped your hands of me
And said you needed more, more, more

And i'm not sleeping at night
But i'm going from bar to bar
Why can't we just rewind
Why can't we just rewind
Why can't we just rewind oh

And i'm not sleeping at night
But i'm going from bar to bar
Why can't we just rewind
Why can't we just rewind
Why can't we just rewind oh

Wo woah woah woah
Wo woah woah woah
Wo wo woah
Can't we just rewind

2008-02-24T07:07:00.000-08:00

Hey hey...

What a long day..and long time...Ive been offline for few days that seems like years to me..phew...i really cant believe im sucha internet freak..literally cant live without it..

So what do i have to say on a tiring day like today?

I slept around 2am after some awful concoction of Absolut vodka Vanilia and tonic..and woke up at 7am for swimming till 10am..din sleep till now..goddamn..and now im blogging again..wth...im sucha freak..and tmr i will complain abt being sleepy in office..sheet

I just typed some stupid msn offline msgs to someone who doesnt seem to be replying my msn mgs...ooops i just got a call frm him saying that his PC is turned on while he's away ..that explains the online status..phew!

Anyway...life is short..wth..what im typing..

2008-02-16T01:10:00.000-08:00

Misery..is over...

After all those shitty time i went thru..its finally over..its weird to end this way..but its a good way..

Im glad i went to cheras to meet Gino..my beloved friend..a brother..almost 2years never see him..finally we meet up and we had a good chat..thanks for the concern about me, gino..i drove back home safely at 1.30am;)

And here i am now..typing this piece of junk blog...wondering what's gonna happen next...life is abit weird..when you know something is wrong yet u continue to do it..thinking that its ok..its ok to be wrong sometimes..

This blog took me two days to complete..weird..

Today is a different day.. that is 17th Feb...the day before i start working again...sigh...after almost 10days break..now i have to drag my butt to office again..damn damn damn!!

Ok..yea btw..yesterday..i met my ex bf...its weird rite?ive been meeting weird ppl recently..my ex..my ex bf's brother...im glad i meet them up..they reminded me of some past happy memories i had when i was with them..i bet outsiders will be wondering why am i so close to this ex and this ex's brother, parents..I can say that no one will really understand what we went thru..:)

During the 3years rship with this fella..he wasnt the kinda nice bf im expecting..partly coz he's too matured and i was too childish that time..despite the fact that he's only a year elder than me..he's way too matured for his age..he wanted more from me..independence..logical sense from me..haha..yea i was the blur blur type back then..

We talked for almost 3hours yesterday..we even break the taboo by talking about what has been kept in our hearts for so so long...the reasons for our breakup and what did he like/dislike about me back then..it felt good to know about this especially after so long..when whatever we talk about doesnt hurt each other anymore..

I admit that i was way too childish back then..we admitted that the timing was wrong..we both wondered if we are still together now..will we be getting married?haha...i doubt that but who knows?:)

When we talked about the past...i realised that i missed the past alot..not that i missed the rship or the person..i just missed the atmosphere and the things that happened back then..each and everything is so memorable...and the time when i was so blur and childish..now i realised that im getting old..

Enough of the past..so what's lying ahead of me?

I got some plannings..its up to me to decide what to follow and wat to scrap:D

I want something else to get me through this,
semi-charmed kind of life,
I want something else,
I'm not listening when you say, good-bye,

2008-02-13T12:16:00.000-08:00

Delicate by Damien Rice..a very nice song that's my fave at the moment

We might kiss when we are alone
When nobody's watching
We might take it home
We might make out when nobody's there
It's not that we're scared
It's just that it's delicate

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've know
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?

We might live like never before
When there's nothing to give
Well how can we ask for more
We might make love in some sacred place
The look on your face is delicate

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've know
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've know
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?

2008-02-13T08:21:00.000-08:00

Im sorry edison ...

I feel bad for him and the rest of the ppl involved..its so sad to see ppl's privacy being invaded and photos being used against them..sigh..im not sure who to be blamed in this..its definitely wrongful to save the photos from the laptop and distribute it over the net...but what i dont understand is that why they wanna take such photos and keep them in the laptop? sigh..well theres nothing they can do to undo the mistake now..its the past anyway..now its the time to face the brutal truth..

This 2008 year is not really a good year for everyone...its bad for me and edison at least...he and i got something not so good being revealed...haha..wat a coincidence..me and my fave cute idol..sigh..

Ok...now things are still not so over for him ...and for me too..

Sigh...its getting worse..i cant take this anymore...

Everyday im thinking about how to face the day...ppl is fine..ppl is cool..but im not.. im not cool at all..its actually so hard to be cool..i try and im still learning..

I hope i have the strength..pls gimme the strength to face myself and the life ahead of me...i know there wont be anything ahead of us..no future no way its gonna work out..i just dun wan to end anything due to anyone..i wan to end things that wont work out for myself..i wanna do something for myself instead of for anyone..really..

Well..now u noe it wont work out...why bother continuing it?

2008-02-05T07:03:00.000-08:00

Im going bonkers!!!

I cant believe that i cannot resist from going online and typing some blog every night despite the fact that I'm damn sleepy and damn tired from work...I left office at 9.15pm...talking about being productive at work..sheet...

Ok ok...i will type something here before i retire to bed..

I will be on leave from 11th Feb to 15th Feb..will be heading to Penang..my fave place for 2days..could be stopping at Langkawi for a day or two..and be back in KL on Monday i suppose..hmm..

And guess what??Im getting a tattoo!! Yoohoo...Woohoo!!

Yes...overreacted on that one..but i seriously hope it will look good on me...cant wait to get it on nex week...;)practically cant wait to reveal the ehem part to the world..in my super super low levis jeans...wahhh...**drooling**

Happy chinese New Year everyone...may all ur life be prosperous and be blessed with lotsa lotsa money;)

2008-02-04T06:12:00.000-08:00

Hmm..after all this sufferring im goin thru...i mean sufferring that i WENT thru...finally im getting back this friend..

Well..maybe i shouldnt mention this as a sufferring..Its a phase in life that im going thru..and there are lots more in this teeny weeny life to go on...

I believe each person you know teaches you different things in life... this person teaches you to be patient...this person teaches you the meaning of love..and this person teaches you forgiveness..like my ex...i used to hate him alot..but now i learnt how to forgive :P weird but true..

This particular friend i met in life is weird..we have nothing in common...well besides we both have the same passion for drinking...i hardly drink as much as him...and ppl drink with friends whereas i usually drink with very much close friends or even alone..but i hardly drink alone..i just realised that i cannot drink alone..i feel..silly..and lonely..like you're so pathetic and you're drinking alone to lure guys to dupe you...hahaha...too much of a movie plot huh?

Im so bored..i feel tat i have nothing to do in life..so aimless..

I still remembered the time where i just knew that Blaze has left two years ago at the time i called him...i feel aimless..totally aimless..like you know..what the hell am i still walking around when he's already gone? Why did he had to go?Why him? WHy not me?

Come to think of it..its just a phase in life..isnt it?
Life goes on..

2008-02-01T21:11:00.000-08:00

OMG...My kimchi noodle is hot..i added some of my kimchi into my ShinRamyun noodle..and now i kept panting like my patrick...while listening to my WMA player playing Sex Bomb...what a song..haha..

I feel so bored and lonely at home..feel like doing something more like going out..but i got more to do at home than that..cleaning up my room..washing those clothes...and my car..hmm..my poor car needs a good bath since its aircon is now working..it's a reward for him ;) From now on he can bring me places..rather than letting me down and wet under the damn freaking hot sun...

So here i am..listening to my playlist of noisy songs..but somehow i feel embarassed with the songs in my WMA player...all those songs seems outdated..but thats me...i dont mind old songs..in fact old songs occupy say 80% of the songs in my PC...seems weird that a young lady like me love old songs huh? I personally like Alan Tam and Teresa Teng songs..I can sing those songs very well..oops i forgotten that many have known that I can sing..(remember the song i sent to someone's bf? i bet it has been circulated like hot flyers:P)

I have this tendency to send ppl my voice of singing some songs...i like singing in bathroom but i wish i can sing in public..with much confidence...or even dance...i like performing..pls dun let me repeat myself..and i know its not gonna happen in near future...but time is running out..what can i do?

Im suddenly into burning cds to play in the car again..for the fact that my car's radio antenna is broken..meaning the player in my car can only play cds..sigh..

Anyone heard of Me So Horny? Its a funny song..not sexy...just very very foxy..haha...OOps..its playing Girlfriend by Avril..i hope ppl dun think im listening to this song due to that fella..gosh that will be so absurd to accuse me that way..especially when ppl said they needed time alone..seems like ive taken all the blame and here i am..aint got nothing in hand..great..

Ive been sitting at home during weekends...sigh..feel so bored..my bf works like a dog everyday..he cant seem to spend an hour with me to get him CNY clothes...weird isnt it? Mayb i shud tell him that im seeing someone..that might scared him a little...

One of my real good pet brother said since im the flirtatious type ( You can tell from my BatZhi..i have lots of Peach blossoms...) I might as well be single again..then i dont have guilts that will eat me when i hang out with other guys..well..its not easy to do that,my dear brother..

Ah there you go! I love this Piece of Me song by Britney..although she's mad like the woman from level 4...but the song sounds so cool..very pole-dancing like...i feel like taking up pole dancing..I know its not easy to master it..especially when this kinda dance u cant really practise anywhere..i heard that they will bring you those clubs or pubs to practise...besides showing what u have learned to the public..haha..just imagine all my colleagues are there to watch me in awe ( or digust)...guys might think " eh she's hot" and gals " she's a bitch "...well..i dont really care anymore..this kinda naming-me game doesnt bother me much anymore..

I feel like taking up gym ...but i only have time on the weekends..Its hard to maintain a good routine of visiting the gym and its worse if its damn far from your home or office..I wish they are gonna open one soon near my office..but that means i will see alot of my colls...eww..not good also..hmmm

Ok..i have talked abit too much and its time to clean up...im done here..

2008-01-04T23:55:00.001-08:00

I watched some House series( 3episodes to be exact) online just now...it was a good show despite the fact we dont even understand the medical jargons they are using..perhaps that way makes the wow effect of that series..anyway it wasnt something i wanna talk abt today obviously..

It has been some really long time since i wrote any blog..and its weird to do it after so long..my hands feel stiff..i feel that..i have nothing worth talking about recently...i just realised that i have nothing good to talk about even back then, not to mention right now..all i talk about is only this guy that fella..that bitch..stupid dreams..failed secret admirations..gosh...do i seriously have nothing worth talking about?and im not talking about politics or even world peace...

I did something very dumb just now..i type my name and those ppl i noe in yahoo search box...wow i found a lot things...like this fella did some thesis and it was put online..then i found out my ex and the wife profiles in some church internal magazines...and he wrote " im glad ive fulfilled her dream to open a nursery.." All of a sudden i realise that im sucha failure...and he left me for sucha better person than me..at least she has dreams that has meanings and i hv none! gosh..i am feeling slightly low..

You guys might think that im jealous over her or something..neah..im certainly better looking than her...alot!

It just that..i feel so useless..going thru everyday without a meaning...without a better reason to live besides shopping for nice and affordable clothes..eating my fave steamboat and japanese korean food..whats left in my life besides that?

Ok im taking swimming lessons and ....thats it! Completely nothing else!

I thought of danny the other day...wondering how he'll be doing without me.I should have realised that ppl move on! He moved on so should I! Why am I so buggered about this guy? Hello??!!

I thought of Blaze last nite..and i cried...i regretted his death..but i have somehow gotten over it..

So what;s next?

My plan..is to take up some real good dancing class besides my yoga and swimming..i needed it...Ive realised that throughout my life ive love performing...but sadly i never did so..only some choir group that i used to join back then in primary school...i love standing out in a crowd..i like ppl noticing me..i hate being the wallflowers..like ive been for the past whatsoever years!

I wish i can help out on some charity works...i believe what you give is what you take later on..ohh..dont everyone think the same? hmm..the time will come...

take k everyone...im thinking whether to post this in friendster...its no fun writing this without anyone knowing..:D

2007-10-31T06:45:00.000-07:00

What a sad bad day...

My best friend, Zu..finally left for Melaka to follow her husband..sigh..I know this day will come sooner or later..but never thought when the day comes..i still feel sad and we cried when we hugged..

Cant believe we are the best of friends despite the fact that we are from different races..it seems funny and bizarre but its true..our friendship is true..

We knew each other since secondary school..never thought the frienship will survive thru many years..she was with me when i started to fall in luv, when i broke up, when i two-timed my ex bf..when my ex bf died..those were the days..

I stil remembered I once fetch her from Putra station as she had class till late..felt bad whenever i cannot make it to pick her up and made her take bus home around 11pm at nite...sigh..staying with parents just dont give me that much of freedom at times..sorry zu..

There were once she has gone missing for almost a day..god knows how i felt tat time..i cried as im afraid i might lose this good friend forever..luckily she came home safe and sound..

Zu..gonna miss u alot..u must take k of urself..will come to visit you ok?;)hope u like the flowers:D

2007-09-27T07:50:00.000-07:00

Disappointment....thats the only word to describe my feelings now..

Well..probably its not that bad after all..hey now i realise what does it mean by sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga......already had a bad day at work...now someone broke some bad news to me..saying tat danny is attached....hahahahahahahhahahahaha...

Yes im laughing and smiling while typing this...yohh..i feel so sad yet so helpless..I cant believe i just spoke about him..and now he;s gone for good..

Perhaps i shud be glad..that it marks the end of everything...those sleepless nites..those crying games..those screaming and cryin while driving..its over..totally..hmm..

By the way...I just went dinner with some fella..in my office..he made my day though yet again some assieholly said some rude remarks to me again...i cant believe it..Is he (the XO) really tat sickening or am i tat deserving of what he does to me? Tat goodfella (name is WOK) said he's daring enough to do tat to me coz im weak...or i appear to be soft i guess..sigh..

Its funny to see a guy who flirts with you and say bad words to you at another time..hahaha..he;s really acting along his moodswings..like a gal...sigh..he;s having PMS i guess:P

And the funniest part..im letting him do all that to me..hurt me with stupid remarks..ppl must be thinking tat i like him tat much to let him do tat to me..but in fact..i feel sad for him...just felt tat his family bckground has sth to do with that kinda attitude..poor guy...

Gosh..im thinking abt someone i shudnt again...god pls gimme strength to let go this D fella...pls......

Take k everyone..dun talk to me today or tmr..coz im just too sad to talk..if i do laugh or smile..it just wasnt real..its not me...

2007-09-20T07:37:00.000-07:00

Heya everyone,

So so long never written any blog...ever since i come bck frm spore...tat was Sept 4th...

I luv singapore..miss that place actually..it sucha clean and beautiful country..a place where you don't have to worry abt ur open bag in the crowd..no worries walking alone at nite..you can feel that its safe there..

And the things...oh my god...they are so so cheap..well..if u earn SGD...imagine a shampoo that sells RM17 here are sold SGD8 there..ok you will say after the conversion rate its still expensive but hey..who needs conversion if im working in singapore? And a cup of starbucks cost SGD 5++...imagine SGD5++..walaoweh...no wonder everyone is holding a cup of starbucks for breakfast there..

Fine forget it..They deserve the good life coz they work much harder than Malaysians..and they stressed more than us..so forgive them, pls..

Again today THL spoke to me..haha its no big deal i noe..but im glad there are still some few good men ard at my working place..at least he made me realised that not all guys are bad..like the 168cm guy..ehem..

I began to feel slightly useless..and stressed lately..ive been goin bck late this week..wats wrong with me?

Yea..i was so much in pain last Wed that i took two ponstan painkillers to kill some deadly pain..never thought tat i would resort to painkillers as i dont even take panadols when im having fever..but im just too stressed to bear any more unnecessary pain..the painkillers made me dizzy..being blurrish the whole day till nite..sigh..
I was on MC and i cant go home due to my workload..damn it..

And abt 168...he got this condo that has the infinity pool ...wow..im so so interested in that pool..but that fella just wont let me noe his block number for me to sneak in and have a dip..urggghhhh!!!

Oh Yea...u guys noe i can swim already??Yahoo!!

Im extremely amazed by some guy's guts to prove his love despite religion differences...that fella fasted for one day...not sure if he did continue but that courage certainly wins my salute...I wish them happily ever after..:)

And danny..i tink i asked myself today.." hey don't you think you've given up on him?" I tink i did..I believe he has already done with me also;)
But i cannot resist missing him..its in me..part of me alr..let go the person ..but not the memory...just like SzeYang..:)

Oh yea...November coming soon...what shud i be getting for his bday? Huh..im so dumb..knowing that he wont get the present..unless i swallowed some 20 ponstans and bottoms-up a bottle of coke..mayb i stand for a chance;) Well, i tink my guts only allow me to swallow 2painkillers for no apparent reason(danny is not a good reason ,yea i noe)..nt 20 :P

Luv u n miss u Szeyang..wish u well..

2007-08-28T07:11:00.000-07:00

Its sucha bad day...haha..well not so bad after all..

It was bad to start off with some lousy conversation with some lousy outdated flame..it was rather bad...he managed to talk some rubbish with me..some rambutans and those i-dun-wanna-mention-them-here kinda stuff..u noe..bad things..

It woke me up rudely, making me think why the hell am i talkin to this fella...why the hell did i start the conversation with this unbelievable jerk..or perhaps why the hell did i went out with him earlier..i cant believe it..yucks!

OKOK..lets forget abt it..and start anew..PHEW!

**Life is good..life is beautiful...** Yep i will keep tellin myself that..

Anyway..my day in office ended rather good :D this THL fella turned his head to speak to me...for the first time! He asked why am i leaving so early..i told him " I do yoga..." I wish i talk to him further...like wat kinda yoga poses that ive done so far..that i do swim too :P haha...but how can i fight LDC gal? She's hot and sophisticated;) okok..I surrendered

But somehow i really wished them happy..well.though hearsay the gal is abit weird..but i tink THL is the same kinda ppl..haha..weird..and luv to clubbing alot..well..they are match made in heaven:D

Thanks THL..ur effort to talk to me made my stupid day a lil brighter..I just felt that ..well..they are still good guys out there..besides danny..

2007-08-24T08:20:00.000-07:00

Wow...first ever in my record that I'm typing two blogs in a day..I hate myself when i need disappointment to make me realise things i shud have already noe..i tink again i overestimated myself..thinking that im sucha great person that ppl will look up to..but im not..im just a low person..who just gotten lower due to being ffk-ed...haha..

Its my fault..there are things that ive seen..that i can still see..but i choose to ignore it to make myself believe that its not there..but i should have known it wont do me any good..sigh

Thanks for reading this blog (if you did) and im sorry coz u dont understand..

2007-08-17T22:09:00.000-07:00

Yea misery...

It is that horrible..not being able to find someone for a dinner on a friday nite...i felt the horror..i hate it yet i have the tendency of being ffk-ed at last minute..sigh..i guess i place too hi hopes..shudnt have been tat way..but nvm...its alrite..

Managed to tapau some 30%discount sushi at Isetan supermarket..proves that i do spend alot when im alone..when i feel lonely...huh...what a woman am i...

Things change..ppl around us change...if not for worse..my life cant seem to accomodate the changes that happen to rapidly..or perhaps 2years isnt that long for things that bound to happen sooner or later..

Am i the one who started the changing thingie?or am i being oversensitive? Not talkin to each other..stop bothering abt each other...are those signs that things have come to an end?

Why ?

2007-07-07T04:16:00.000-07:00

Im so bored today...

Watched this movie 'Tempting Heart' starring Gigi Leung and Takeshi Kaneshiro...a good and touching movie..Its about a puppy-luv relationship that didnt work out..after many years they are still friends...and yes...they didnt get together in the end..

I realised that not all relationship will work out..not all of it meant to work out..some are just meant to pass by ur life..paint it abit with beautiful colors..then passed you by...

The couple in this movie still have feelings embedded in their hearts..but they rather keep it tat way..perhaps its more beautiful that way..more memorable that way..rather than getting together and not working out later on...the uncertainty is the most beautiful thing in love i guess...

Im so glad that i met LZZ this lifetime..i din regret it...Im sorry we dint work out..im sorry ive hurt him..im sorry that we cant be together this lifetime..But i noe i will remember him ..there will be a space for him in my heart...forever..

2007-06-26T08:11:00.000-07:00

Dry your tears ..with love..

It has been 5years...since SzeYang left..time really flies..still remembered the days whereby i cried every now and then for him..thinking why did he left...thinking whats left of me..

Now? I cant cry anymore..hardly feel the pain or guilt in me anymore..finally this day has come but guilt are eating me..y din i feel sad? y din i cry? Whats wrong with me?

I bet danny was right..i shouldnt have done those things that i did..no one was for real..no one..each and everyone left for good..i tink its time to rethink and re-evaluate ..

I can never see tomorrow

I was never told about the sorrow

How can you mend..this broken heart..

I cant believe this same week last month i was still crying over it..now i just shed a tear or two when i listen to sad songs..that reminded me of that very incident..

Good nite everyone...

2007-06-24T08:51:00.000-07:00

SWIMMING SWIMMING!!

Yahoo!! Finally its another weekend already..yea the weekend is over and the unbearable weekdays are coming...but I'll start swimming this coming Sunday!!

Speaking of which...i got this funny story to share..well..I know that im skinny..but i cant believe the fact that i cant fit in into any of the Triumph or Arena swimsuits..two piece is either too loose on the waist for me (blame it on my skinny waist) or one piece that is too short for me ( im 5ft 7' ) Gosh!! The promoter said i can still try on the bikini ones..I dun really find bikini suitable to learn swimming though... Finally..i got this XS sized 2-piece swimsuits that fits me perfectly.. :D floral pink..niceeee!!!

Got my swimmin cap ready..im ready to swim away!!

Just had my liquer drink...blackcurrant flavoured..cant really sleep here..woke up too late today..sigh..sweatin all over here..darn hot! Probably due to the steamboat i had just now for dinner...hmmm

Oh yea..suddenly after some thinking, i realised something..im nt tat much of a feminine person..i cursed..i drink ( but i dun smoke..NEVER!) i talk loud (at times...sometimes) Im nv those soft-spoken gal..i tink i gave some ppl wrong perception abt me..they thought im really a sweet soft-spoken never made a mistake kinda gal.. I AM NOT..pls..

But at least im being myself..but i noticed this..im not being myself to this tilam guy..i tink i act too much of a nice person to tis fella..but im being myself certainly to this PC guy..hahahah..tats y this PC said that he wont like me as im not feminine enuf..hahahha...

How could an angel break my heart

Maybe danny thinks that im an angel..he never realised that this angel is a fallen angel from heaven..But i felt that ive changed alot recently..beginning to spend alot on food...begin to buy things that comes into my mind...spending slightly more on clothings..or am i just being sensitive? I comforted myself by saying that im getting older..cant be still relying on some old clothings..i need to grow up..im a woman now and need to dress like one...right?

2007-06-22T08:19:00.000-07:00

Yes!!RENTAS DR OVER!!

Sorry abt that remark..just cant believe this hard day is over..what a long day..first of all we took the wrong road leading to the wrong place..hence making us damn late for the system testing ..later on the smart card reader is not working..wathehell..unbelievable..

Finally its over by 6.48pm..phew!! managed to go and have BKT Klang for the 2nd time in tis week with brad pitt:D

Ok not many will understand what im typing here..but what the hell...nt many noe abt tis webpage oso wat:P

funny msgs i received today..some from PJ...some even from MILAN...really:D one made me sad..the other made me laughed...haha..i tot i will be sad...devastated..bt i laughed:P so funny..u had a drink with MILAN and had a good chat...so? Will i wish im the Vatican? err...NO:P but i would really luv to go to MILAN once in my lifetime..really:)

Another thing...i did sth really unexpected by everyone today..i bought a bouquet of flowers for my coll's bday..she's gonna be mom soon in a month's time..she must be shocked her big round tummy managed to get her some admirers:P Im glad i did tat..she's so so darn happy...at least she told me tat:)

I got this excerpt from this webpage http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/HomeMortgageSavings/haircut.aspx#pageTopAnchor

"A lot of people change their hair when big things happen in their lives, like when they're going through a divorce or just got married," he says. "It's an outside thing, but it's a reflection of what's going on inside of us."

Quite true huh? I did my hair cut coz sth major happened..but it doesnt matter anymore..im loving my hair nw:)

I'm gonna buy some luvly sexy bikini tmr ( well, a well-covered two piece is still considered as bikini rite?:D) finally gonna learn up swimming..yahoooooooo!!!!!!!!!

OK..times up to shut down myself from blogging further...take k everyone..tata..

2007-06-20T08:01:00.000-07:00

Heya...I was abt to go to sleep..its not a really tiring day..but my dark circles are already betraying me ;)

Anyway..i re-watched again the old chinese MV sent by my friend..its a sad mv..with a sad song playing at the background..the story is sth like...the guy cant forget abt the gal who left him for another guy..kept calling her to know hw she;s doing..finally he finds it too suffering to live without her..so decided to kill himself..its so so sad..i cried like no tmr when i saw it for the first time..but the re-watch today made me shed a tear too...reminds me of my friend..someone ive lost forever...someone who will never reply my sms/email/msg/nothing..

try this link if you're interested..let me remind u its in chinese..

http://www.oicq88.com/999/love3.htm

take k and dont be like the guy in this MV :(

2007-06-15T08:45:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!! fuyoh!

Im finally back on earth again..stepping my feet back on the cold hard ground once again..its funny but ive been some sorta out of track recently..so so out of track but finally awaken by some rude reality..

You know, i just cant believe it..ppl do change so so fast...i think i was thinking too much..way too much than i should ever do..im such a moron..such a moron for thinking that its for real..haha..I smiled widely to myself when i knew it was all a bad nightmare..i cant believe it ..hmm

I guess i think of myself a little too highly..overestimated my own looks..or even personality..thinking that it will have some effect on ppl but im so so wrong..im just another gal-next-door..another passerby on the road..the one that you just walked past while u were busy window-shopping..the one sitting next to your table while u reading this at coffeebean using their free wi-fi..im just..a nobody..:D

Im glad that i dint feel too sad abt it..it means i dint get myself too involved..its good..but im sad coz i lost someone's trust..i tot it wasnt tat bad..but seeing this happening so soon..i began to realise hw moronic i was to do that and lost some very important ppl in my life's trust..i hate to even think abt it..why am i such a dumass??

I kept screaming inside asking for help...but i noe i dun need one..

To those ppl that ive hurt during the rollercoaster period..im sorry..i felt that ive betrayed many..and ive let down dozens.. dont worry abt me..im getting my life back...:) finally..

U noe..i wont mind telling this..part of me wanting ( and really did) cut my super long (and ugly) hair was due to some silly reasons..haha..besides trying to combat some hairloss..i tink i wanted to get rid of my old self..i felt so down when i lost that particular trust..so i decided to cut my hair..to start anew..to live a new life after that loss..sounded funny? its nt to me..

By the way..lemme tell u guys some good news..im learning up swimming next month!! Yes!!Finally..after some useless life ive been living thru..finally i have something to do in the weekend that actually makes me healthier..:D and at the moment im taking up yoga too..hopefully it will really make me feel better abt myself in a good way...Currently im looking for a good swimsuit..will not try to get anything too sexy..Yea btw..my mom did ask if i wanted to join ms astro since im taking up yoga and swimming all of a sudden ..me??ms astro?? Next year i'll be meeting the max age of requirement already..haha..too late:P

Anyway lets really hope that swimming and yoga will really get me into shape....ive been suffering frm flabby tummy for far too long ..and skinny hand and legs..hope things will get better..and pls dun make me get too dark frm swimming :( my fair skin is definitely my asset:(((
i tink i need alot sunscreen..ALOT!

Im thankful to Geral, Along and danny..i tink they made me realised alot things..thanks geral for being there for me..im glad that i went thru my darkest time with you..along..ur my good brother..gave me alot good and bad excuses to make myself feel better..and danny..enough said..period.

And dexiang!! How could i forget you...Thanks for the Genki Sushi treat..i enjoyed our talk alot..we should meet up more often..;)

Pohchuen...ur the good bro in my office...Im so glad that our i-dun-like-you-and-you-dont-like-me relationship got on so well..hahaha..i like u..really!! as a pet brother:P btw..u are goodlooking..just that i realised it a little too late..after some frens told me tat..im sorry:P

Goodbye my old self..and welcome..to my new life:)

2007-06-10T07:47:00.000-07:00

Kissing you...my fave song at the moment by Desree..i always thought the title was Missing you..its the theme song for Romeo n Juliet ..anyone watched it before?? Err..even i havent really watch it..just sort of seen abit of it..the Shakespeare language gets abit unbearable to me..

I bet im getting some sorta addicted to going out on Thurs and Fri nite..i cant believe it...staying at home on these two particular days really make me feel so itchy..wats wron g with me???

Well, perhaps its a good thing..staying at home too often makes me sick..makes me feel unwanted..but the downside of it..it makes me spend...alot..sigh..well i dint have to pay for the last two outings last weekend ..( my excoursemate n coll paid) but in the long run..i will dry up my dam of monies in UOB very soon...

And im beginning to get addicted to alcohol very much!! shit..no good no good..Im drinkin at least twice a week...

Im feeling very thankful that i do have some good brothers n sisters to take k of me..you know...i tend to be reckless and silly at times..and without them i feel aimless...thanks to along..Ester n Meihan aka mama..and danny....

Im sad that ive lost someone's trust ..but i keep telling myself its just a phase that you must go thru in life..I know that things like this bound to happen sooner or later..its not gonna stay this way forever ..I know and i understand..just tat i cant help but feelin sad at moments..but im alrite..im seriously ok..

Ppl around me must be worried with my blogs posting recently..im sorry..its just some crazy spontaneous thoughts frm me ...thats wat u call a blog..online version of " Dear Diary"...i hate to write diary..coz its too personal..no one;s gonna know what you're thinking if you keep it in your old lil diary...TYPE IT OUT!!SCREAM IT OUT!!

Be just like me...crazy..;)

2007-06-01T10:30:00.001-07:00

Heya!!!
Its friday nite again and here i am typing out some blog before i drop of on my bed...

Just went out with my best gal-fren...we wanted to yamcha today just to catch up and decided to get hippy by going further abit...we went to KLCC !! Yea yea its nothing great but for us the guai-guai (obedient) gals to go out on friday nite to somewhere further than our neighbourhood its kinda adventurous already! :P

My gal, Geral suggested we go to Shrooms and Starz Restaurant and eat some sushi there..so off we head to klcc at 9.30pm and reach there approx 10pm..seemed late but the nite is still young for a Friday;)

We ordered half a dozen of oyster, a box of sushi and some sandwiches and feel so full after finishing up the food!!Wow...the oyster tasted so so good and the white tuna sashimi was simply amazing...yummy...

We also ordered two drinks ( LIQUER) this Twin Tower2 and Tears of Love...frankly both of them tasted alike...same kind of horridness :D it wasnt that good at all..i still prefer Kampai..or red wine..

We didnt get drunk at all...we were rather busy gossiping abt the ppl we know..but i suppose i listen more than i talk...well, there arent much stuff in my life recently.. i mean there hasnt been any interesting stuff in my life worth talkin abt at Starz...so there you go;)

It was a nice outing that both of us never thought we will have at any rate..hippy yet safe..hhehehe..yea yea we dont do clubbing..and we dont see any prob wit that..

so sleepy rite now..dont even noe whether im typing this correctly o not..okla..tata everyone,,cannot tahan alr:P

2007-05-30T05:43:00.000-07:00

I find myself extremely well...i can still laugh..i can still smile..i can still feel happy..but when im alone..i hear myself talking..i hear pain..i hear cry...i hear my soul crying...ive never thought i would feel this way...

I walked on the road without lookin right and left...yet i survived...painkillers make me feel nothing..my coll slapped me today.. and i laughed....so wat are the options?

Whats wrong?why the death sentence?why?I kept being reminded of hw good it used to be..All of a sudden i was slapped with the truth that its over...

ITS OVER, TMY, DO YOU GET IT?

Give me a few slaps mayb i will stop crying, mayb i will wake up and walk like a living person again...it seems i kept leaving my soul at home when i go to work nowadays..

2007-05-29T05:12:00.000-07:00

Kill me...

I hate the days im dragging my arse thru it..its too unbearable..ive cried too many times..almost anything can trigger my tears...i hate it..i hate myself for being weak...i hate myself for not being able to pick myself up...i hate it...

pls..dun let me live..i took two tablets of painkillers when i dont need it...shud i take more?

2007-05-27T02:42:00.000-07:00

Haha..wat a topic ive gotten myself..shortlived happiness..its some happiness that wont stay for long..i'd prefer some long - lasting happiness..

alrite...oh yea..today ive just met an old fren of mine..the all-time cutie hoodliang..he;s doin great i suppose..as goodlooking as ever...and building a very strong career path..i always wonder what am i doing in this company with no great 5years ahead plan..sigh..well..i dont really bother what ppl say..hw my this this coursemate has become product manager or some earning few grands..perhaps im just a little woman..wasnt expecting too much from this boring life..

Life..wats in store for me? I want to become pretty and attractive:P hah...wat a shallow thinking..

take care those ppl who read this..

2007-05-25T21:47:00.000-07:00

Today...i dont know wat to write about here...i js felt i did something so wrong tat ppl i know cant forgive me for..some even called me a twofaced snake (or wat so ever kinda bad name that is)..

Im officially APOLOGIZING TO THE PUBLIC FOR DOING STH SO DARN FCUKING WRONG...im sorry...i hope things will get better and i will learn whole lot more frm this dumas experience..

Im sorry everyone for letting you guys down..so so sorry....

2007-04-30T04:09:00.000-07:00

Hello Yello!!

Heya friends and relatives..this is my first attempt in blogspot.com. I felt that there are just too many eyes in friendster that i cant afford to let them know about my blog...

So its good to have another blog here..

I just came back from Bangkok...on the 24th of April but i still felt that my heart is still in Bangkok...i missed that place quite abit...everything seems good except the weather..the super hot and oven-like weather...almost 37deg! Everyday its raning sweats...halelujah!

Bangkok is a fantastic place to be, be you an Asian or Westerner. It has the needed traditional cultures and values, with a hint of modernity touch. Temples are everywhere, street side stalls, gives me a feeling of Malaysia, particularly Penang. But one thing Penang dont have, BTS Sky Train! It looks very nice, spacious and modern, much better than our PUTRA...though its abit pricey ( Few-stations-distance trip costs about 35baht, almost RM3.50)

And not forgetting the stuff are very cheap there. You can get a top or skirt for as little as RM5, Rm10 if you want nicer ones. I got myself a watch for RM7.50..I can see alot wholesalers flew there just to get their cheap clothings. Once uve been there, you will never wanna get things from Msia anymore. For the same stuff you can get it in Bangkok at 30% discount or more.

Ok, forget about my addiction to shopping. Lets talk about the food there..sadly i was on fever during the whole trip, on and off. Can hardly take any hot food there, so just ate mild spicy stuff there. Do you know that Thai ppl cuisine is really "tasteful"? At almost every food stall you can see ready bowls of chilli powder,pepper and MSG? Yes, MSG Ajinomoto! Unbelievable! I ve seen one Thai woman put in 3teaspoons of MSG into her bowl of soup, stirred and tried it, still not salty enough so she put in another half a teaspoon! Oh my god! I bet i dint take that much of msg in a month..hmm..

Besides that, thai food are typically flavorful, they add alot of fish sauce to almost anything; mango salad, fried rice tomyam...i became adventourous one day and tried one of their mango salad whereby they add in this baby crab thats soaked fish sauce i tink...i stopped the stall lady from adding in any chilli and msg but still its way too salty for me...ate abit and threw away the rest...sigh..

But to those who's going to Bangkok soon, pls try this Miang Kam, some appetizer that u eat with a Sirih leave wrapped with lime bits,dried shrimps,roasted coconut pieces,peanuts,onions,ginger and their special sauce. I tried it once in Chakri Palace KLC ( darn expensive) and fell in luv with it instantly...You might think that the leave will taste bitter but its not at all! For 30Baht i can get a full separately packed ingredients where u can wrap it urself in the hotel..I heard the tourguide and the hotel employees telling me its hard to find this delicacies nowadays in Bangkok...i manage to find one opposite central world complex;)

I cant believe myself nearly gotten conned by the jewellery scam ppl in Bangkok. Its hard to believe they are so connected that they have almost all walks of ppl involved in their syndicate. Ive read stories of them having Americans, Belgian, French and even Japanese accomplices to get the tourists entrapped. I myself was fooled by the Isetan security guard telling us that there was a beautiful temple thats only open once a year, claiming that we are so lucky to meet him that day. He stopped a tuktuk for us and warned the driver to charge us no more than 20baht for round trip to the temple and back to Isetan, even ask the driver to bring us to the "export centre". We didnt suspect much; he didnt tell us whats the export centre is all about, we saw him flagging down the tuktuk that came from the street,dont seems like accomplice, nothing suspicious. So off we go into the tuktuk.

When we reached the temple, i began to grow suspicious as the temple doesnt seem to be open once a year kinda environment. Its quiet, and empty, doesnt tally what the guard told us..but nevertheless we stil take photos around.

We went up into a prayers room where theres a huge buddha statues on the altar, with a well-dressed Thai man seen praying in the room. He began to get friendly with us, telling us where he's from, saying that he's thai Chinese, he just met another msian that day, even showed us the Msian's business card( name : Donny Ursee, Dell Computers)

After setting off the introduction, he began to get into the real thing; JEWELLERY. He asked if we heard of the export centre, claiming that its only open once a year, that day will be tax free..all sorts of rubbish..All of a sudden the topic struck me right in the head, HEY i read of that scam before !! Not sure if the man saw my reaction that changed drastically, i kept tellin my BF that he;s lying in chinese, while he kept entertaining that thai man.

We left the temple shortly and we told the tuktuk driver we wanna get bck to isetan asap. The driver seems mad wit us but continue driving. As we notice he's using a diff route, we grew scared and asked him where hes heading. He stopped infront of a tinted glass jewelerry shop saying that if we buy something from there he can get gasoline vouchers. We refused to go and left by cab after paying him the 20baht. Luckily he didnt harm us. Sigh, its worth noting that Thai ppl are friendly, but only if spoken to. If an overly friendly thai come to spark a conversation, its better to take precaution.Learn this lesson myself the hard way;)

Last but not least, the new Bangkok Airport is very beautiful. They are super huge with big duty free shopping area, looks almost like KLCC to me with lots of branded shops, selling from cosmetics and handbags to liquers and electronic gadgets.Worth a visit!

Before i cut off this super long blog, lemme teach u guys one sentence of thai besides sawadeeka...if u wanna tell ppl u dun understand what they mean, say " Mai kao chai" (almost sound like mai kao chai that is in chinese meaning dun tackle other guys:P)

So, go thailand, and pls MAI KAO CHAI;) their transvertite can be so pretty u will think they are real woman:) no offence ;)